"You Can’t Poop On The Bus": Polish Club Report Home From The UK And Europe

You can’t poop on the bus…

That’s quite literally all I could think of ahead of JH and my first proper tour outside of Australia. Truth be told, that never really became an issue. Nevertheless just about everything else we did whilst on tour in Germany with a couple of local bands (Razz and Abay) was an adjustment from what we’re used to back home. 

So not only can you not poop on the bus, you have to sit down to pee, as you can see by this excessively detailed sign. Suffice to say, the 18 dudes on the bus would inevitably get way too drunk to follow that rule and it became abundantly clear as to why that rule was in place. Ugh.

Sleeping on the bus actually wasn't that bad, I managed to sleep through the night and actually sleep in quite late. The gentle rocking of the bus rolling down the autobahn was rather soothing, especially when you have a bit of a buzz going (or more). The entire bottom floor of the bus was reserved for drinking and smoking, which was pretty gross, but oh so German. There was a room to chill out and play PS3 upstairs behind the bunks, but it was highjacked by the poor lighting dude, who was waaay too tall to sleep in the bunks. 

Speaking of drinking, the only thing to drink at pretty much all times was beer. So. Much. Beer. Most of it was really decent, and pleasantly varied from city to city. I was desperate for scotch, which wasn't too easy to come by. The only time I actually managed to find some was when we played in Cologne, opposite an Aldi. On the plus side, it was only 5 euros. 

Now on to the real star of the show, the catering. Look, admittedly it won't be to everyone's tastes, but the absolutely constant presence of sandwiches everywhere we went was a pure delight. Get out of your bunk in the bus, sandwich. Go inside the venue, sandwich. Check out the local shops, sandwich. Get back on the bus, new sandwiches. Outstanding stuff.

When we finally got off the bus in the morning (lunchtime), the city would be new and the venue would be right outside the bus. Leipzig really kicked it up a notch by having amazing meatballs and a random bunch of venue-branded lighters as a welcome pack. 

The most impressive part of a lot of the shows was the fact that the venue provided a copious amount of hot food, often for all three meals of the day, and often including a vegan option. Not only that, they would package up the leftovers so you could take a little meal with you on the bus after the show. Wunderbar. 

My favourite meal of the tour was surprisingly had in Wiesbaden. It was some sort of beef stew and a spinach pasta bake thing with potatoes. Delightful.

Being driven door to door each night and being at the venue from the word go, we had to go out of our way to really explore each city. Sometimes, like in Bochum, that was nigh impossible. Though sometimes the venue would be smack bang in the middle of the city, like in Berlin and Munich. Munich was aesthetically the most beautiful city. Despite everything being closed for All Saints Day (which took us WAY too long to realise), we managed to see some weird shit, like these dudes surfing in a river. Berlin is Berlin, I can't say any more than what others have already said. But I will say this, they invented the kebab, and goddamn they do it well. Putting it in freshly baked Turkish bread instead of doner is a stroke of genius. 

All in all, it was a delicious tour.